Cry Me a River
A Life with Horses
I once had a friend respond to a list of my grievances with the classic, “Cry me a river”. Among my complaints were…
Difficulty managing staff
Having very few (or no) days off
Incompetent contractors
And completely divine factors - completely out of my control - like the weather
As harsh as it felt at the time, she was right. It didn’t mean my complaints were completely invalid, but that they are so small in the balance of my life. On one side, I have the day to day hiccups and stresses of managing a farm. On the other, I have a life built around my passion. The good outweighs the bad tenfold, negating the daily clusterfuck or late nights handwalking a colicing horse.
I subjected myself to the normal working world for a few years and decided it wasn’t for me (a privilege I realize very few people have). I would begrudgingly wake up after snoozing my alarm 10 times and always eagerly anticipated my next day off. Although I still snooze my alarm plenty, I very rarely have a pit in my stomach when I make my commute to the farm. And although that general overwhelm I vented to my friend about does keep me awake some nights, I am eager to solve the problems I encounter.
My friend had ridden horses with me when she was a kid. We grew up together and share idyllic childhood memories of riding our ponies bareback, eating bran mash and carrots when we were hungry, and falling asleep on the car ride home after a long summer’s day at the barn. Her memories are the purest form of what horses can be, but I easily lose sight of that on tough days. But I have a new strategy. When that wave of overwhelm comes over me. I find a moment to spend with the horses. Not necessarily riding or asking anything of them (I find riding while overwhelmed is a recipe for disaster), but simply walking into a pasture and being present. It melts everything in minutes.
I’m sure all of us horse owners can remember some days where we wondered if it was all worth it. Your brain starts spinning with all the things you could do with your free time and how much healthier your bank account would be. You could go on vacation, buy a house, pick up a new hobby, etc. But we choose horses over and over again. So next time you are thinking that it is all too much and yet not enough, take a moment to sit with your horse, have a cry, and remember why you fell in love in the first place.